I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
