there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and she was petting her beer can
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
