Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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