Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
