I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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