I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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