wakey wakey hands off snakey
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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