Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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