If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
