Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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