I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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