Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I came so hard my ears popped.
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