I just pynch a tree in the face
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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