I am full of burrito and curiosity
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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