Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just shotgunned beers for America
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
