The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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