I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
