i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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