yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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