I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
