you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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