her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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