I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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