Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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