I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
