Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
