No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
