I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
