Got a toothbrush?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
