By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sext me about skeletons
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
wow bdsm is so cute
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