he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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