i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
