My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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