how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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