hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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