Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The adults are the big ones right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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