We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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