I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
