sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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