apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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