How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
