The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
