i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How's work?
Spinning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
BRING THE BAGELS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
