Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
