Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
