brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
