is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
