My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
