she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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