i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
