So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
