wrigley field is MILF paradise
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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