Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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