the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize