I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
