Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
