Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
