if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize