: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so let's talk penis.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize