is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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