careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
