Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
