i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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