i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Barsexuality is the new black.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
