If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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