Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
COCAINE IS GR8
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
