i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
