I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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