So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
