she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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