I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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