In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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