I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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