she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
