dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
NoShamevember. You game?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
