I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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