tell your sister to shave her snatch
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
