Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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