the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
