Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
