she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
