Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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