The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
