Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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