Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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