If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
