I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
