I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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