Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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