Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
